A venture in the unknown

By definition that which we know is known, inadvertently that which we do not know is unknown to us. majority of that which we know we do not fear, however that which is unknown to us is almost always feared. If it is unknown, then why is it that us human beings fear what we don't know. It would seem that our own self ignorance is what frightens us the most. That is to say that ignorant being used interchangeably with that which we do not know. I suppose that there is a sort of safe feeling with the things that we already know, so we dnt care abt what is unknown, because that would be unsafe. Since it is unknown to us, then it good very well be a good thing for us, but we allow fear to intervene with our wanting to know what is unknown. the unknow good be a good thing or a bad thing, it is that uncertainty that allows us to continue to fear the unknown.

Moreover The mind wont allow the mouth to express what the heart really feels out out of the fear of that which is unknown. I have always been the type to express myself, but currently i have become hesitant to do so. WHY? because i fear what is unknown to me, i could either be rejected, or accepted, but i am to fearful of the unknown to dare to even find out. I have developed this strong affection and deep feeling of affinity for him, but my mind will not allow my words to express such a thing. in fear that the feeling isnt mutual. Though i cannot say for sure if it is love, the only thing i know is that i dont want to be without him. I dont even want to allow another to get close to me in such a way that he is close to me. i fear even the simplestof things and that is asking him to define us.

if only we could be liberated of these fears then and only then can we venture into the unknown and prosper in life and love.

My Sanity

This beautiful place where i choose to reside
and all the negatives, I'll choose to subside
indulge in the calm collective breeze
slowly moving through the trees
lay back relax and just close your eyes
envision the wondrous mountainous highs
allow the mind to portray beautiful portraits
like carelessly running through a field of orchards
press ya ears against the seashells and listen to the ocean
as the waves violently touch in a calming motion
until I become whole I'll collect myself piece by piece
then eventually my mind will be put to peace
delightfully I'll embrace my serenity
plea for it to stay with me through eternity
in simple words this is MY SANITY

Insomnia

It's 2 am and I wish I was asleep
To dream such things I wish to keep
Instead I Toss and turn in my bed
Held captive my thoughts in my head
In darkness I stare at the ceiling
Hoping to find some sort of healing
To cure this insomnia giving me peace
Rather I tear apart my thoughts by piece
2 am has no evolved into 3
I look around to find only me
It seems to me that I am at war
Against myself and I'm losing so far
Running from night to find the sun
Never have I ran so fast to never have won
3 am has now evolved into 4
All I want is sleep and nothing more
In solitude I lay sleepless
Past shadows leave me restless
And theses thoughts they consume me
Like a drug damn give me the roofie
So maybe I'm addicted to the past
Suffering from withdraws that last
Maybe I'm just addicted to thinking
Because current situations leave me thinking
They are like Demons that I can't shake
Like the devil himself is keeping me awake
Four has now evolved into five
I'm still awake to my surprise
These walls are beginning to in close
To suffocate me I suppose
Fear in my eyes I slowly inhale
Tell myself it's alright then I exhale
As I take coverage under sheets I realize
U can't hide from yourself your truth nor your lies.

So it seems

It seems as tho my life consist of
That which I never dreamed of
A child hope now lie in ruins
As I try to piece back wat was ruined
A part of me which is left unwhole
Because I'm missing my very soul
A dark and empty space
With nothing left to fill the place
I will not allow myself to overcome
So he comes over and maybe we can cum
You see now I've become so carefree
That I am now free of care such misery
And I've forgotten my purpose
So I begin to feel worthless
Filled with despair I try and understand
Why my pieces did not remain unchanged
So I look at the girl I use to be
And apologize to me
And that's the only thing that makes sense
Because somehow i've lost her innocents
So I look into her emptiness
And promise her happiness
And though I know this maybe untrue
Sometimes we need false hope to carry us through

the new introduction

As I stare back at me
I wonder what my destiny
Could be, or possible
Maybe just an Allison
Caused by a clouded vision
That society has painted
Leaving the big picture tinted
Acting as a common dictatorship
Not allowing us to self equip
But to do as they see fit
I say, I ain't having it
I realize this conspiracy
So I fight against conformity
And start a new revolution
I will write my own resolution
To any problems that may occur
And not live life how u prefer
And in doing so I will find my voice
Which shall give me a choice
To speak out and release all anger
That kept me locked in ya chamber
No longer can I blame all for what one
Has selfishly done
And since you no longer know me
Then you were not part of my destiny
A destiny which never existed
Just what society persisted
So with this Hand I freely write
The introduction to my new life

Time will bring the real end of our trial

Pretty wings - Maxwell

Time will bring the real end of our trial
One day they'll be no remnants
No trace, no residual feelings within ya
One day you won't remember me

Your face will be the reason I smile
But I will not see what I cannot have forever
I'll always love ya, I hope you feel the same

Oh you played me dirty, your game was so bad
You toyed with my affliction
Had to fill out my prescription
Found the remedy, I had to set you free



I said to you that i hope we can progress and gradually come back to where we were, and all you said was "only time will tell". Only time will tell huh? Exactly what are we waiting for time to tell? i took as you wayy of telling me that you no longer wanted to work this out with me and as maxwell says "time will bring the real end of our trial" So i'm going back and forth about this trying to understand how you could no longer want this. Not to brag or toot my own horn but i am the image of a what a woman should be, i have the beauty the brains the personality. I cant understand how for a year and some months you i was the apple of ya eye so to speak, and then all of sudden this isnt what u want anymore? I pleaded with and explained to you why feared a relationship with you, and you assured me that this was something different, that if u had me you would never let me go. I can hardly Believe that you are the same person that said those words to me. If i am somehow undeserving or not worth it please let me know an spare my feelings. if this isnt where you wanna be cut the bull shit is just leave me for good. Erase all remnants and lose all residual feeelings, and eventually you wont remember me nor will i remember you. I'll always love you, not in love, just love you, i hope you feel the same.

Woman like me

And it became evident that the idea of a woman like me did not seem feasible to you and in all honesty it wasn't. If I am too much woman for you then kindly stop wasting my time and step aside and forever say goodbye. Your peering eyes will be missed but replaced with eyes that belong to man who can handle a woman like me


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